DOES EQUALITY MEAN THE END OF CHIVALRY?

There seems to be a deep confusion amongst men about what women are fighting for when it comes to gender equality. Men seem to think that the sole reason women want equal rights is to be able to waltz around and disregard them the way they do to us, but all we want is the same opportunities. 

They view our want for equality as a direct attack on them and their masculinity, and as a result, they’re steering further and further away from their own role as men, in a sorry attempt to try and punish us. This doesn’t go for all men, of course, in case you needed the confirmation. 

I was recently on the underground in London during rush hour, and while I’m used to seeing more men in seats than women, what happened on this particular journey left me thinking. So imagine this, I’m on a packed train, packed to the brim - when all of a sudden a seat right next to me becomes available. Now, normally I would snatch this seat right up, but because I was getting off at the next stop, I decided to offer it to the woman standing next to me. In the split second it took me to do so, a man pushed himself between us and sat down. 

I was stunned, I even giggled to myself a little bit because what on earth happened to chivalry? I decided to share a quick rant about what happened to my social media, and I was met with a plethora of angry men reminding me how badly women wanted equality. And I thought to myself, does gender equality mean the end of chivalry? 

Research released by Match.com found that “Nearly three quarters (73%) of single women say that chivalry is dead, based on their experiences of modern men.” Meanwhile, King’s College London found that, “around six in 10 (57%) Gen Z men also say we have gone so far in promoting women's equality that we are discriminating against men…”

The idea that just because a woman wants to be treated equally by a man, she cannot also want to be cared for by a man is childish. Yet it's more common than I thought. 

Many people, both men and women alike, would argue that the sole act of chivalry, whether that's opening the door or giving up your seat, it perpetuates inequality. Either because it portrays women as inferior beings who rely on men for even basic tasks, or because it presents women as queens and thus superior to men. So, regardless of the motivation behind your chivalrous acts, they fuel inequality. Bullshit. 

Chivalry has nothing to do with gender equality and everything to do with respect. That’s what separates a gentleman from a man. 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the term “chivalry” means “courteous, honourable behaviour…” So I don’t know where this idea that it’s degrading to either sex came from. It’s the simple act of men courting women. 

Also, if we’re being 100% honest, true gender equality is impossible because you can’t change people’s biological functions. Hence why we still have men's and women’s sports, when female footballers fight for equality, it isn’t for men and women to be able to play together, but for both divisions to get the same level of respect. Because they are very aware of the physical differences between men's and women's bodies. 

In my humble yet honest opinion, we’re all fighting for the wrong thing. I think women deserve equity over equality.

“Equality refers to treating everyone the same, regardless of their individual differences or circumstances. In essence, equality is about providing the same resources, opportunities, and support to all individuals, regardless of their starting point or needs.” Meanwhile, “equity… involves providing different levels of support based on individual needs and circumstances to ensure everyone has an equal opportunity to succeed.”

For equality to truly work, everyone involved would need to be the same - the same characteristics, the same circumstances and in this case, the same gender. Because at the end of the day, men and women are biologically different. 

Take carrying heavy bags as an example, several studies have shown that men have a greater muscle mass than women, “which can impact activities requiring strength (like lifting),” so if they’re inherently better at it, why is it such an issue for them to be chivalrous and help? 

Women aren’t asking to be equal to men in an arm wrestling battle; we want things like equal pay for doing the same jobs, or better access to education. 

So while many men will argue and say women want selective equality, they want to pick and choose when it suits them, that’s simply not true. The truth is that total gender equality can’t exist, so we make do with what we can, while also having a glimmer of hope for men’s respect for women, keeping chivalry alive. Apparently, we thought wrong.